Pseudo/romance.

PSEUDO.

“Lana, what are you doing?” She was gazing up one second and doodling nonsense on her Mellow 94.7 notebook the next. The cigarette burn on her right hand was exposed; she used to hide it with loads of bracelets and long-sleeved shirts before, but not today. She claims today was different, and weirdly (because it is probably just me thinking dirty thoughts), I think she meant she could be naked and she would not have given a damn.

“Plucking starballs endlessly unveiling dynamic orbits,” she said. “Starballs. Nice word, yes?”

Starball is not a word, and if she meant stars, I am not sure if they were in orbit around something. But it has to be the the manner by which she answered my question: she was so quick, as if she was really observing the motion of those “starballs” dynamically circling something out in space. Oddly, her doodles started making much more sense after her response.

“And you, dear, what are you doing?”

“Pondering sentences enunciated uniquely, deluding others,” I told her. And it was true: her words may sound nonsensical, but whenever the slightest yes-that-sounds-true bit surfaces, I begin to rethink the whole thing she just said to see how much sense I could make out of it. A lot of instances, they really do, even when they sound so randomly put together.

ROMANCE.

“So you doubt my words?” she giggled. “I’m not surprised. There’s not much difference between you and him.”

That, I hate. Comparisons lead to expectations and standards; under-delivering, over-delivering, it doesn’t matter. When you don’t get it right, sometimes, it just means you didn’t get it right. Hit or miss on a non-existent dartboard. So it told her, “Not much; just a little, just right after you say them, and perhaps it’s just me picking you up too slow.”

“And why’s that? Just what do you think am I doing?”

“Redefining old meanings, authoring new crazy English,” I said, because that is exactly what she is creating, even if there’s some (a little) sense into what she is saying. She giggled, enjoying that particular assessment. I am under the impression that I was right on with what I just said.

She tore a page from her Mellow 94.7 notebook, crumpled it, and handed it to me. I think I understood what she meant. It was probably symbolic, that action: her husband, when he proposed to her, wrapped an engagement ring with a receipt. If this notebook page contained anything, it surely had to mean something.

The paper was empty, and so was I for expecting something that was not bound to happen. She left shortly after I received the crumpled page.

On it, she wrote: “Receipts only mark articles, notions change everything.”

Again, the flaw was apparent, but somehow, I wanted to believe what she said. And thinking about it through the night, I found her words easier to accept, because it was such a nice thought how she seemed to discredit that particular item supposedly important to her. And given the most apparent notion I had then was that, yes, I think she meant she could be naked and she would not have given a damn.

Of Course I Did, But It’s Not the Right Time to Cash Out.

Of course I walked away. With a smirk on my face, too.

It’s not like it was the first time that happened. It happened so many times before, with either you or me walking away. To escape reality, surely to escape at least just that, or to play it a step further. “Play,” but it’s not a game, is it? But the word fits just right.

And so as stupid as it may sound, yes, I believe I played my cards right and folded at the right moment. I believe I stood up and left the table while my chips are intact. All because I didn’t want to lose it in the succeeding rounds. I was sure I was about to lose all of it.

Of course I walked away. And perhaps it’s the last time I’m doing that. Perhaps I’d be better off if I cash out now. But come to think of it, the clock says there’s a lot of time before the sun rises again. It’s way too early to cash out. It’s not time to do it just yet.

So hey, would you mind if I step outside and drive to the next casino?

It Ends Tonight.

When sometime about two months ago it was decided that we’ll be going to Singapore and Kuala Lumpur to help out with Nuffnang Asia-Pacific Blog Awards and join the MY team with their daily operations, I was ecstatic, knowing that there’d be a wealth of experience that will come from the whole experience. True enough, today on the last day of my stay here in KL, I know that when I land in Manila on Monday morning, there’d be many, many changes with how we do things in the office, all borne from our trip to the two head offices.

And beyond the technical experience and point-blank comparisons we’ve had with how we operated back in the Philippines, I’m proud about everything I’ve learned about the cultures and about how the other Nuffies worked individually. The differences were so far apart (not necessarily bad) that now I can easily benchmark performance, guile, and know-how when I get home to the office I belong.

Ming was very straightforward with everything he said and really kept everyone in their right places, like a football coach telling everyone to shut up, know your roles, and fight as hard as you can. Tim was hands-on with daily operations, as well, and was so into keeping the standards up and being everyone’s mentor. Actually, both of them share a lot of the qualities I just mentioned, and I think these are what make Nuffnang such a good company to work in.

Huiwen was blazing fast with communication and sorting things out for her team; it really showed during the days leading to the Blog Awards. Robb and Elaine were planning dynamos who made the whole event so much easier for everyone else. Raine, Elise, Clara, Eileen, and Mei Yan played important roles, as well, in making the huge event a success. If you were there, you’d see the effort, the teamwork, and the desire to make it really work from these girls.

At the MY office, I was sitting next to Jestina the whole time and I could see how much of a workhorse she could get when it comes to communicating with the clients, doing presentations, and lining up ad operational tasks. Nicholas was a busy man, being on top of the whole workload from the office and being Tim’s right-hand man (well, he sits to Tim’s left, but you get the idea). Yee Hou and David seemed like the suave-natured guys I expected from them, and the girl quintet of Carol, Michelle, Karen, Rina, and Vicki also looked so busy with their tasks. From the “other side” were Tim2, Penton, Firdauz, and Vernice, who worked on the backend and designs tasks; I tell you, these guys are monsters when it comes to doing the work assigned to them.

Then there were Audrey and Ringo who were both insightful about the advertising and the blogging community, respectively, kind of to round the edges a bit and make the exposure more complete.

I’ve learned so many things from both teams and it would do this stay no justice if I don’t apply everything I’ve gained from the trip to my work back in Manila. There was a lot of feedback from both offices on how we should be doing things back in the Philippines and while I’m angry (mainly at myself) for lagging so far behind the two countries, I know that this is the kind of “good” anger that gives way to development and refining the business. It’s all good, and I thank everyone who shared their experiences at work, because I am more confident about the direction of the Philippine office now.

I feel like a kid coming home from a long field trip.